I'd rather be overly attuned than oblivious to my child's emotions...

So y'all know I'm a communication expert, and a big conflict + repair person. Like these are things I am serious about in life, personally and professionally. So no surprise that I'm instilling skills and messaging around this in our kid; Rodney and I are both counselors, too so she observes us communicating and repairing etc.

Anyway. It is clear I am doing too much. I'll explain.

Last night she lost her WHOLE ENTIRE MIND about not being allowed to keep a bottle of Gatorade next to her bed (because sugary drinks after brushing teeth is ridiculous). I was annoyed and it was late. I handed her a water bottle and took the gatorade out of the room.

She was "crying" (I don't know whether they were real tears, she is quite good at producing them) when I left her room for the night at bedtime. It was so ridiculous. This child had the audacity to cry "The one time I WANT to be hydrated, you won't let me!"

(When I tell you it is a whole battle sometimes to get her to drink goddamned water. Her lips are dry as the desert and she'll be like "I'm not thirsty". OK ZOE)

(Rodney and I had a good laugh about that one)

Anyway, a few minutes later I felt bad (of course) for her going to sleep upset and/or our last exchange being negative. Of course I know she's fine and it was silly and she'd have forgotten by the morning, but I never want her to feel sad going to sleep. I know the feeling of crying myself to sleep and I don't think it matters whether it's a legitimate thing to cry about or not; it's not a good way to spend your last waking moments of a day.

So I knock on her door and come in. Her light is off but she sleeps with a VERY bright nightlight for unknown reasons, so I could see her clearly.

I sit down on her bed and this child starts laughing. LAUGHING. She looked at me impishly and was like, "I was waiting for you. I knew you'd come back!"

I laughed too. "Oh really? Why do you say that?"

She shrugged and said something like, "You would never let me go to sleep without repairing"

Now, she definitely played me. Her tears weren't real, and she knew being upset about some gatorade is absolutely absurd. I tickled her and kissed her goodnight and was like "you know that's manipulative, right?" and we had a laugh and then I left out the room again.

But you know, I told Rodney this story when I came back down to the kitchen and I had to admit...if one of the things my kid remembers about her childhood is that "my mom always repaired with me before I went to sleep even when I was bullshitting" I will feel pretty good about that.

I love that she knows me well enough to know what to expect from me like this, too. Sure, it makes me easily manipulated by her feelings, but I'd rather be overly attuned than oblivious to them. Zoe's secure attachment to both of us and deep sense of safety in our family makes me feel so proud. (Secondary benefit: I heal my own inner child through parenting her.)

This is a photo of the Valentines Day card I got her- and I love that they make cards for biracial kids!!!!! (The hand on the front is light brown)