All Posts

I'll be blunt: y'all already suck at communication. Why would you make it harder on yourself? As someone who has literally built my career on teaching people how to communicate in healthy, pro-social ways, I promise you cannot afford to atrophy those muscles any further.

A tip for women who date men: in my opinion, it is a huge red flag if a man does not have any female friends. Why? Because a man who does not have any female friends does not actually like women.

I recently read a statistic that roughly half of all adults have insecure attachment. So we start out FROM CHILDHOOD being pre-wired for struggle in relationships in part because our parents/primary caregivers and their parents/primary caregivers (etc) were also wired for struggle and failed to sufficiently meet our needs for attunement.

I love that she knows me well enough to know what to expect from me like this, too. Sure, it makes me easily manipulated by her feelings, but I'd rather be overly attuned than oblivious to them. Zoe's secure attachment to both of us and deep sense of safety in our family makes me feel so proud. (Secondary benefit: I heal my own inner child through parenting her.)

Reminder: most people in the world are just out here doing shit without thinking too much about it or how it might affect others.

ANNUAL REMINDER: When people say they're "sarcastic" they usually THINK they're talking about being sort of snarky-funny, maybe in a dark way. But first of all, negativity isn't super funny. It's honestly an energy suck.

A practice I use in all of my relationships - intimate, personal, professional, etc- is to OVER communicate and OVER inform so that I reduce the risk of misunderstanding as much as I can...

I do not practice punishment. Full stop. And furthermore, I do not believe punishment has a place in healthy relational dynamics, nor does it improve anyone's behavior intrinsically...

Reminder: Struggle love is not the thing, y'all. It doesn't have to be like that. People invest a certain amount of time in a relationship and/or experience a certain pleasurable feeling that they haven't found elsewhere yet, and they become unreasonably certain that everything that happens in the service of this relationship is "worth it."

The topic is whether women are actually more emotional -overall- than men. I submit that they are not. Here is my evidence:

So much of what we do is compulsory and not aligned for who you actually are as a human being and your unique way of existing. In order to find peace and joy in life, you may have to do shit way differently than how you're expected to.

I’ve been thinking a lot about grief lately. A dear friend recently lost her father unexpectedly and is understandably having a difficult time coping with the loss. And I find myself not having any helpful words to offer that don’t sound like trite cliches or platitudes.

Part of what makes adult friendships and relationships so hard is that people legitimately do not know how to engage with each other vulnerably and without agenda.

The other day, I was talking with a client and he kept self-deprecatingly referring to himself as "too sensitive" and "fragile," as though those were the most offensive of character flaws. I was like, first of all, you're not fragile. Let's stop using that word. Fragile suggests you can and probably will break if anything remotely negative happens. Fragile sounds like something that will shatter if dropped. Fragile is almost always used pejoratively when used to describe adul

Reminder: there is no such thing as a perfect person for you or a perfect relationship. The most you can hope for is like 80%/20% ratio of awesome to not-awesome. Period. Waiting around for THE ONE who will be EVERYTHING you're looking for is not a great plan. Not to say you should settle, but you should definitely expect that something really good, pretty consistently, over time might be as close to perfect as you'll get. And it's also important to remember that all the stu

"You must love in such a way that the one you love feels free" is a favorite quote of mine by Thich Nhat Hahn.

Let me say again: conflict isn't bad. It means there's is something that needs figuring out. Everybody comes into a relationship with their own shit. Sometimes your shit is going to consistently bump up against their shit.

Foundational friendship is key...

If you are partnered with an INFJ, is important for you to understand - even if it is not immediately obvious- that they are incredibly empathetic and sensitive, and that this is both a blessing and a curse.

In my opinion, the way a man interacts with his children is a glimpse into his truest nature. If a man is gentle, patient, tender, and...