Do not date men who don't have women friends...

A tip for women who date men: in my opinion, it is a huge red flag if a man does not have any female friends.

Why? Because a man who does not have any female friends does not actually like women.

Think about it. We are friends with humans we like and enjoy. We choose people as our friends who we respect and delight in and appreciate. We spend time with people we think are interesting, funny, and smart.

If a man is ONLY friends with other men, that tells you that the humans he chooses intentionally to spend spare time with for fun are men. Those are the people he enjoys and finds interesting. Those are the people whose opinions he trusts.

Why is this a problem for you? Well, if a man only gets opinions and feedback from other men, his opinions and perspective will likely not include you, and therefore are unlikely to benefit you.

Spending time only with other men will probably not teach him how to be in equitable, loving, respectful, thoughtful, generous relationship with you. It is likely instead that he'll receive varying degrees of misogynistic messaging from the masculine echo chamber he is existing in.

The way most men talk about women is problematic at best.

Think about it: if a man believes "men and women can't really be friends," that tells you that he believes women are actually only good/useful for sex.

It suggests that, for him, getting emotionally close with someone necessarily leads to sexual closeness. It suggests that he actually cannot separate his emotions from sex if he likes a woman.

The boy math is I like you = I must fuck you.

Or, let's say a man does have a female friend or two, but they are not "his type" in terms of appearance (i.e., he would say they were not attractive for some reason or another)....also a red flag.

Because, if a man is unable to have a friendly, platonic relationship with a woman unless he finds her sexually UNinteresting, it tells you that he believes being attracted to someone means you can't NOT act on being attracted to them. It suggests he does not consider himself to be safe around "hot" women.

Like he couldn't possibly be expected to transmute his sexual attraction into "hey I really like this person even tho I can't fuck them, and that's cool too."

If a man never sits down just to talk with a woman, or never seeks a woman out for support or advice, that tells you he probably does not believe women contain wisdom he could grow from.

It suggests the possibility that he is not particularly open to influence from women, which will almost certainly translate to him not seeking your perspective in the relationship.

Ladies, if you must date cis/het men, please find one that has lots of women friends. (Preferably ones he has not slept with, although it's not necessarily a red flag if they have dated and/or had sex and then decided to just be friends. That's actually a signal of emotional maturity on both parts.)

Find a man who enjoys the company of women for its own sake; like, you know...because he intentionally likes and seeks out a female perspective. Because he enjoys women as human beings.

Or find you a man who specifically has women friends because he doesn't vibe with dudes. Perhaps because his version of masculinity is nontoxic and oriented in feminism, and he struggles to find men to connect with in a nontoxic way.

On another note: if he would say he doesn't have any female friends because his ex made him drop all of his women friends- and that is actually true and accurate- IMO he is still the problem for letting an insecure partner dictate who he is friends with.

Because in my experience, a secure adult man who is truly in genuine, affectionate, platonic friendship with secure adult women, and who dates secure adult women, knows how to move in such a way that he is also respectful of his partner.

He knows how to introduce them and make everyone feel safe and clear on what is going on. His partner wouldn't have any "vibes" to pick up on because actual friendship does not contain sexual tension or awkwardness. It's just a friendship like any other.

TL;DR: don't date men who don't have any women friends.

PS I actually don't believe there are only two genders, which I assume most of you who know me know. I am using binary gendered terms here for ease of language.

The essence of this is rooted in compulsory patriarchal heteronormativity, which is most deeply ingrained in people with "traditional" "male" identity who've been socialized as boys/men.