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You Have To Say Words...
Part of what makes adult friendships and relationships so hard is that people legitimately do not know how to engage with each other vulnerably and without agenda.
amy l miller
Nov 24, 20253 min read
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You're not "too sensitive"...
The other day, I was talking with a client and he kept self-deprecatingly referring to himself as "too sensitive" and "fragile," as though those were the most offensive of character flaws. I was like, first of all, you're not fragile. Let's stop using that word. Fragile suggests you can and probably will break if anything remotely negative happens. Fragile sounds like something that will shatter if dropped. Fragile is almost always used pejoratively when used to describe adul
amy l miller
Nov 14, 20253 min read
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The 80/20 Rule
Reminder: there is no such thing as a perfect person for you or a perfect relationship. The most you can hope for is like 80%/20% ratio of awesome to not-awesome. Period. Waiting around for THE ONE who will be EVERYTHING you're looking for is not a great plan. Not to say you should settle, but you should definitely expect that something really good, pretty consistently, over time might be as close to perfect as you'll get. And it's also important to remember that all the stu
amy l miller
Nov 4, 20252 min read
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"I'm too jealous for ENM to work..."
"You must love in such a way that the one you love feels free" is a favorite quote of mine by Thich Nhat Hahn.
amy l miller
Oct 11, 20256 min read
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CONFLICT IS NOT (ALL) BAD
Let me say again: conflict isn't bad. It means there's is something that needs figuring out.
Everybody comes into a relationship with their own shit. Sometimes your shit is going to consistently bump up against their shit.
amy l miller
Oct 7, 20252 min read
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Why are you even together?
Foundational friendship is key...
amy l miller
Oct 3, 20252 min read
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Care & Feeding of the INFJ by Amy L. Miller, MSW, LCSW (permalink)
If you are partnered with an INFJ, is important for you to understand - even if it is not immediately obvious- that they are incredibly empathetic and sensitive, and that this is both a blessing and a curse.
amy l miller
Sep 1, 202512 min read
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A Man's Truest Nature...
In my opinion, the way a man interacts with his children is a glimpse into his truest nature. If a man is gentle, patient, tender, and...
amy l miller
Aug 26, 20252 min read
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REMINDER: Feelings are not facts
Reminder: feelings are not facts, and not every feeling needs to be outwardly expressed. Every time a negative feeling is invoked within...
amy l miller
Aug 17, 20253 min read
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It's ok to prune the friendship tree sometimes
Reminder: In adulthood, friendships should be value-added, not energetically costly and disappointing. Nobody has time for toxic friends...
amy l miller
Jun 29, 20252 min read
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Parents are also people...
The advice I provide dissatisfied couples with children - of which there are MANY- is consistent and often revolves around finding ways...
amy l miller
Jun 26, 20253 min read
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Elon/DT: A Masterclass in how NOT to
This Elon/Don nonsense is a prime example of how NOT to do conflict. It's petty, personal, low-blow. It's violent and intends to do harm....
amy l miller
Jun 6, 20252 min read
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Don't Burn The House Down, Y'all
My bottom line is what it always is: Communication is vital. Conflict isn't bad as long as you learn to do it well. Do the work to make your relationship a space you both feel safe and want to be in. Not every relationship can or should be saved. There's no shame in asking for help. (ever)
amy l miller
May 21, 20252 min read
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IDGAF about grades and standardized testing
I attended an informational meeting this morning about the standardized testing they do at my daughter's school, which begins in second...
amy l miller
May 18, 20252 min read
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Be A Picky B*tch (if you are one)
Someone new to me commented recently "you have a lot of preferences." They didn't say it in a critical way, just observing....
amy l miller
May 16, 20254 min read
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