Surveillance is not the answer

Reminder: everyone needs and deserves privacy.

This includes your partner and your children.

If you're doing this, immediately stop going through your partner's phone when they're in the shower or asleep or whatever.

What they do and who they talk to on their phone is actually none of your business. If you don't trust them, THAT is the problem, so deal with that without being shady.

Surveillance does not keep you safe. It just makes you paranoid and unable to maintain healthy boundaries.

If it's not even a trust issue but you're being nosy anyway, stop it. You've got no right to violate their privacy to satisfy your own curiosity.

Give your children reasonable amounts of age-appropriate privacy in order to build that into their expectations for life. They do not need to get used to people violating their privacy. It should always be exceptional and notable; we do not need our children acclimating early to a police state.

If they're in a stage where exploring their body is interesting, teach them that that's something to do in the privacy of their bedrooms with the door closed. Let them have privacy in the bathroom. Don't come in when they're bathing or showering without knocking first AND receiving consent.

Don't read their journal or their texts with their friends unless you have probable cause to do so. (Probable cause: risk of harm to self or others, not just "because I'm the parent and I do what I want").

DO look at their phones and tablets periodically through early adolescence and ALSO put parental controls on their devices so they can't access porn or extreme violence or other inappropriate content.

Create an environment where your partner and children feel safe and comfortable coming to you with questions, concerns, and requests. Be someone who responds reasonably and thoughtfully, not someone who is reactive and invasive. Be respectful of your family's right to privacy.

Additional reminder: you also have the right to ask for and demand privacy for yourself. If your partner is routinely violating your privacy, that is not okay.

You do not have to go along with invasions of privacy if you haven't done anything to warrant it and they're bringing their own issues and fears into the dynamics. They can seek help to work on their wounding that is getting in the way of y'alls healthy relationship. YOU do not need to pay for crimes you didn't commit.